People refuse help because they feel that their self esteem depends on their being 'independant'. We fear that somehow or other we have been diminished because we need,want, and desire another person's help. That's because of our indiviualistic, independant culture. We have a sense that we should be like the mythical cowboy. Free, easy, able to do anything, able to take on and conquer anything and live in the world without the need for other people. The Lone Ranger type. We don't allow ourselves to develop a sense of interpersonal needs. And that, is very unfortunate. Because in truth, we need each other more than we know. These needs are very great on the emotional, psychological and physical level, but we tend to avoid exposing it like the plague.


As i grow up, i meet new people, and some of them are pretty independent. I learnt from them and understand that doing things alone are okay. There's no need to worry about how others view you. It's okay to have lunch alone in town, it's okay to be seen alone shopping in the busiest streets in Bugis. When i was in secondary four, i told myself that it's really okay, but i wasnt utterly convinced. I still bothered about how others view me. Whenever i tell myself, maybe it really is okay. What lay behind that was also 'maybe it really is not okay.'

Probably say a year ago, maybe it's self fufillment, i dont know, but i was getting really comfortable with myself. I started doing things by myself. It felt so good, not depending on anybody. Of course friends are good company, but sometimes, humans need to have alone time (and that is, really important to me)

I've also stopped being angry with people. You know why? Because there's simply no reason why you should. Firstly, you're being hard on yourself. Secondly, everybody should always remember that nobody on earth is supposed to live up to your expectations. Yes, the ones you love disappoint you, but it's their life, it's their choice. You can't do anything about it. And you shouldn't, because it's THEIR life.

It's okay to mope around for a while, but come on, you're much better than that.

I've also not been someone who likes to control another, i don't tell others what to do and what not to do. Because i've always had this mentality : If they'd do it, they will. If they don't, they won't. But i know this bo chup attitude is quite bad. Maybe i should chup abit more ...

Gonna head to bed now! Damn tired, havent been sleeping much lately.

Fuck laaaaa i craving for tom yum!!!!!