"Jacqueline Koh
Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting around for somebody to give you flowers"
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Friday, November 19, 2010 || 6:28 PM

I have absolutely no idea why i am feeling so fucking pissed off.
Yes, i am super unlucky to fall sick when my friends have organized a lunch treat for me.
But i have no idea why i am feeling so mad pissed.
I bear this grudgy feeling towards my parents because they can't help ease anything, and they refuse to buy me something i NEED.
Yes i know, i'm grown up and am working and it is mindlessly lame and childish to whine about parents not forking out to buy something for me.
But i just feel so tired. Every single time something has to happen before they realize i really need something and will get them for me but by then, the peak of the purpose served will have subsided.
In my opinon, i do not feel that they are giving me enough money. I pay for almost everything myself because i feel bad seeing them whipping money out for me & when i ask WHICH I FUCKING RARELY ASK, they reply some bloody lame answers which are not fucking constructive at all like
'If you no money dont go out'
'Why do you need the money for? Lunch? Stay home eat la'
'Why you eat so much?'
Lagi worse is when they start comparing my siblings and me.
I mean fuck, i buy my entire wardrobe myself, pay for my overseas (even fucking study trip) myself. You RARELY take me to shopping trips, and whenever i go shopping with y'all, you are always willing to pay for jie jie and junwei NOT me, because you'll complain that i have too many clothes and my wardrobe is messy.
Where is the fairness in this manner?
I mean, i dont mind buying things i want myself, but things for things i really NEED & feel that is a parent's job to buy for me? You jolly well buy it for me BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY TO. AND I AM SICK OF ASKING FOR NEAR TO 2 YEARS.
I am only fucking 18, i am mature enough to understand you have other commitments so i try to burden your load BUT I AM NOT MATURE TO THE EXTEND TO PASS UP DEPENDING/RELYING ON YOU WHEN I FEEL I CANT TAKE THE LOAD.
I feel so sad for myself now, everytime something good happens to me, something bad will occur as well.
Fuck the two extreme ends which comes together, fucking end magnets.
I feel blind, uncomfortable and ugly.

p.s/ i love my mum deeply but i just needa rant.