"Jacqueline Koh
Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting around for somebody to give you flowers"
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Tuesday, November 9, 2010 || 6:54 AM


Thinking about today made me really resolved to stop doing things which i know comes with heavy consequences i will have to face, but wouldn't have the courage to.
These are the times which i'll say 'If only...' 'Why didnt i...'

Had been feeling quite out of breath these days, it got really bad last night, i kept tossing and turning in bed trying to get into a comfortable position so that i can breathe better. I had to constantly remind myself to breathe.
Today in school, the feeling of feeling constricted in the chest rose up again and i told myself i have to do something about it. It's dampening my mood and causing a problem in my daily life.
Told hafiz & my grp members and clovie and mel and all of them prompted me to seek help. I knew deep inside that i've to, it's my health! But i'm a pussy when it comes to doctors, i hate seeing them, i hate finding out things which will crush me into pieces. But you know the saying goes " Better to be safe than sorry. "

Got really sad and worried... Pam accompied me to the doctor between lesson breaks. I was soooo paranoid and scared..... The last time i remember feeling like this was when i was 13, when i had a minor surgery because of some impulsive piercings i got when i was reckless and
thought it looked cool.
Went to Raffles Medical @ tamp, consulted a senior doctor. Took my blood pressure, listened to my heartbeat, breathings, temperature. Told him about all the symptoms ( increased heart beat, difficulty breathing, cold sweat, stuffiness in the heart) and facts about my past and recent lifestyle.
He told me this is caused by the post effects of smoking. And the funny thing is that even though i feel that i have a lack of oxygen, i am actually suffocating because of an oxygen overdose as ciggs contains more CO2 , and other chemical nonsense. Contridicting much...

*a biggggggg sigh of relief*
Withdrawl symptoms
Cold Turkey
You should ask pammy howwwwwwww relived i felt after the whole incident. And hafiz howwwwwww worried, nervous and scared i was.
The doctor prescribed me some pills to stabilize my mood (sounds like i've depression :\)
Sigh, so glad a heavy stone is outta my heart now (even though a more literal battle is still going on)

xx
ANYWAY
mummy bought the family out for dinner and shopping. Both my siblings bought shoes, i got nothing :(
hehehehe just kidding, it's allright because i've such a wonderful mummy! i dont need pretty shoes! Ate at ikea after that! Wonnnnnnderful dinner with the people i love MOST <3

AND
the senior trainers just called, they're trapped in china ><
i'll have to head down to Yang Zheng Primary for a day event, after that it's gonna be a long day in school.

I'm gonna head to read my favourite author now!



P.s/ STOP SMOKING NOW