"Jacqueline Koh
Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting around for somebody to give you flowers"
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Wednesday, January 26, 2011 || 9:56 AM

In our era, we get into a never-ending state of confusion. Clarity is muddled up.
Values are thrown aside.
wealth is confused with happiness, love is forged because of personal insecurities or loneliness, age doesn't equate to the level of maturity, couples breaking up because of shallow issues.
We're constantly chasing better things, trashing aside people you've a responsibility to.
Human beings are as fickle as the rain nowadays, as quoted by one of my fav bloggers.


I'm starting to feel like I don't really want to be acquainted by anybody anymore. Because my view isn't on par with most people. Do not show me any hint of impatience because just so you know, I am feeling just as that, it's just i am very good in concealing my emotions .

What have i became to? I ditched visiting an important family friend because I was busy with my schoolwork & events. Since when is work which will be thrown to me every other day more important than somebody who has impacted on your life?

You do all of these to please people.
You shelf priorities based on preferences of the people you have to please, but what about yourself?

Guilt.

When somebody told you they'd do something, and they didnt. Here are some reasons why.

1. They probably said it to please you. And pleasing is the furthest extend they would go.
2. You are probably not that important
3. You are definately not that important
4. He or she is living in a state of mind of which they fizzes scenarios in their heads but never get down to doing it because as true as the reality is, it stops at the line which states 'fiction'. Fiction, in another sense is also - Imaginary.


Stop deluding yourself.

So... I've words in my head...
& I feel there's a need to talk to somebody now, but that somebody who can understand me is really far away.

Anyway, i'm listening to this song grenade by bruno mars. It's a catchy song but with trashy lyrics. I know it's metaphorical but it just makes me quite pissed off.
Firstly, nobody will ever catch a grenade for you.
You know what all of us will do when we see a grenade coming our way?
We will open our mouths, and exclaim 'fuck', while simultaneously move in another direction.
It doesn't matter if the person you love is on your left/right/front/back because it's human nature to do so.
It's also human nature to tell yourself blah blah blah blah blah but in actual fact, you don't.
We're all functioned from day 1 that in our life, we've a responsibility, and that responsibility is
to care for ourselves. And it comes so naturally, when we weigh it with caring for others - which we have to constantly tell ourselves to, we spend more time and effort to, it seems that the latter strikes the winning bell but really, whaaaatt?










Maybe
|| 7:13 AM

Am i ready for someone else to enter my life again?
Jacq, think logically, not emotionally.

Sometimes i feel the problem really does lie on me.
Sunday, January 23, 2011 || 7:52 AM

Sigh. This week. Some days have been hetic yet satisfying. Some days have been a mad chase to meet deadlines, to get things right, to please people. Test, a rather heavily weighted one... Sigh, did badly. Script was rejected. Hooked On Flea's event. Launching of freemansland's portal & website (Http://freemansland.com / Http://freemansland.com/forum). Mich's Birthday. Dinner with Ryan, Soma, & his friends. Stitch came over & cook dinner (Damn nice (!!) shall cook soon for those who matter to me <3)
Have to finish up editing the script & head to school early next morning for comm skills role play preparation. Sigh. I just wish i have some time for myself to lie down on bed to enjoy a good read.

Sigh, I'm so tired. Mmmm, about 2 more months for a getaway. Yippie! :>



We look around us, and believe in things we can't see. Embrace Hope.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011 || 7:59 PM

Life fails us. Life fails the people we love.
Thank you for the decade of love and relentless support you've been giving my family,espicially to the greatest woman in this little planet. Thank you for the load of work you were never obliged to, it's our privilege. I'll always remember you as the strong warrior who fought your way through this imperfect world. & I hope you'll continue to do that as the people around you will try our best to reassure you, shining you hope through cracked smiles and tears of emotions.
You can lose your health, and your ability to function as a normal human being, but you can never ever lose hope, because that's all you're left with.


Continue fighting.
For the people you love, for the people you've yet to love, and for, yourself.



All journeys have secret destinations which the traveler has yet to unveil
Monday, January 17, 2011 || 7:47 AM

OH! Open House.
On a lazy saturday, me, denise, desiree & their mum went to check out this particularly
intriguing event which is held biennially. Basically this non-profit organization groups rounded up 12 designers to work on 6 flats in Marine Parade. Kudos to the owners who were generous enough to open up their cosy houses for inquisitive people to poke their noses in.
I can't help but think of it as an invasion of privacy (but i couldnt be more bothered even though i was one of the many intruders :\)
But of course, they got themselves a free revamping of different artistic ways mostly done
via the traditional manually panting style.

With the rain dampening the entire mood, & rainwater entering my soles, I was kind of ... put off but it was all worth it. Eye opening experience as denise puts it :)





Vietnamese Inspired painting. Portraying the bad days.
Apparently when you head to this particular country, plastic chairs like these would be lined up almost everywhere on the streets so the chairs = commoners.
Rain always reflect disaster, especially when this is a downpour.




A curtain was put up and we have to view the mini 'performance' the lady was putting up through the eyelets. I like how the furniture is being arranged!!!!!









Ingenious la. Flooring is actually mirrors. So on the ceiling, they place their furniture upside down. So we have to like look down to see the clear picture.
Visual interest.

xxx

At work. They needed extra people to help out so I asked Jean & finally, that princess had her first working bubble burst ;)
She brought along her camera, so after closing, I started snapping out of boredom.
I love pictures which reflect the macro effect.























'Kafka on the shore', I'll feast on you ;)

Are dreams signs?
Saturday, January 15, 2011 || 8:37 PM

Life is really akin to gambling, placing stakes on decisions.
I realize, even if you win, you end up losing mostly after some time because of your ineffectiveness to withdraw after you've struck big.





Tuesday, January 11, 2011 || 10:45 PM

I'm tiring myself to my bones with so many commitments.
A few days earlier, I told myself to not be afraid to do things like turning down a dinner date, a shopping date, or such just so I'm able to have a breathing time on my own.
Harmony is very important to me & I find it very difficult to reject people i truly care about.
But sometimes, understanding has to come into the picture.
Priorities has to be stacked in order resembling the Maslow's hierarchy, essentials at the very bottom, moving up to the next when fulfilled.
Bottom line is, you cant please everybody.


Saturday, January 8, 2011 || 8:22 AM


Right. The days are shuffling past without me grasping them much. These few days I seem to float through the passage of time feeling like as if I'm not really involved.
Too much sleep's (caused by a lack of sleep, see the irony?) been fogging my head.
School started last week. Didnt have classes for 2 days, skipped 2days, & went to school for a measly one hour for the other.
I feel like as if my head's rotting, my energy level is within my means of reach & it feels quite like shit.
Been having insomnia lately, I need to go google for some home remedies because I don't really appreciate the idea of sleeping at 5 & waking at 3.
It feels like a shitload of my time is being consumed by whatever we spend 1/3 of our alive time doing.

So anyway, next week's gonna be a great week I hope. Seriously i need to get this sleep disorder sorted out. I'm actually quite worried about meeting stitch at 11am tmwr because I have no idea what time my eyelids will relent for some shuteye.
I'm a big sleeper, always have been.

Anyway, great day today @ homeclub's flea. Crowd wasn't good, but great fun with the girls, hanging around, talking nonsense, doing silly stuffs & basically just goofing.

Heehee, bought a furry cuff for 17$! It's the most expensive cuff I've ever bought. But it's mad pretty! Set my eyes on them the first time i saw it. While the seller was wrapping it up for me, 2 other girls wanted to buy it too! & it's not very common people'd pay 17$ for a cuff...
Go figure hehehee ;)
Stitch's gonna mad love it too!


I still can't believe sol's the artist for this lollll.
Hahahah i requested for A BIG SLICE OF LEMON, and they really gave us a fucking BIG WEDGE. Doesn't really reflect on the picture, but it's HUGE! Looks so hilarious compared to the small shot glass.
While working, the other bar was having some after wedding party. The guests were playing with some sparklers and they look so happy I just had to take a picture of it :}


6 more mins to 1AM, needa go sleep. Please please please, let me sleep!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011 || 10:25 AM










HAHAHAHA

Thank you sweetheart for being so awesome. I love you from the curls in your hair all the way to your little wriggly toes :>

AH YES MACS DELIVERY JUST ARRIVED.

2 additional days of self proclaimed holidays mmmm
|| 9:35 AM

I have a secret. My secret is that i really would love to try working in Borders or Kinokuniya some day. I don't mind being the one arranging all the books, getting papercuts by handling them too quickly, or being the one scanning the barcodes at the cashier counter, congratulating each shopper with their new purchase of something which is probably going to tide them through some lonely times in the plane or bus, knowledge the papers are going to impart to them. I'd love to secretly mentally note down titles which seem intriguing.

I would love to be in this place which i call my temporary paradise.
Maybe i should try, someday, just for fun ;)