"Jacqueline Koh
Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting around for somebody to give you flowers"

Slapped on pricky heat powder before heading out, I'd rather be seen in patches of white than to endure the sweltering heat. Seriously, it's too much for me to handle. Made me grumpy too!

Aaaah vendors who signed up for events, please please please dont take your own sweet time to payyyyyyy :(

Makes my admin work so frustrating. Even though I can fully understand it's just a human thing to feel secure only to hand over monetary debts at the end of the route. I'm like this too, but when I am the one doing the admin work, PAY UP!!!!!

Sidetracking, I still can't believe there's someone who earns, 3k.

EVERY SINGLE DAY.

So it's about 90k/ month?

He can say and literally mean ' My pay check will be going to a new Lexus!'

Came across this quote from one of the most amazing (because of his avant garde style of performing) theatrical actor - Samuel Beckett

' Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better.'

His famous style of performing - repetition is deemed weird, crazy and boring by many (I caught a teacher sleeping through one 'inspired by Beckett' performance.

And i thought, this dude is fucking crazy.

And fucking boring.

And everyone else seemed to think that way too. And everybody grumbled about this fucking crazy performance.

But you know what, this style of theatre, influenced by him, is one of the only two performances I can remember amongst the rest I've seen.

To be honest, 60 mins, broken down into 4 or 5 different sets, each set portraying one or two characters doing the same thing over and over again is actually very very fascinating.

And it gives me the creeps.

The kind of creep which will leave me thinking, after the entire day.

And to think about it, his portrayal of human life actually very brutally honest.

Repetition - reflects how Beckett views human culture, and he is damn bloody courageous to launch such a style - 'Theatre of the Absurd'

Kudos to this man.

xxx

Was using the other computer to do events stuff, and my brother's msn is on. Check out the conversation I had with his friend.

Hwa Chong students.....

xxx

Sigh, I should remind myself that I shall not, will not, and must not hurt others along the way to getting what I want.

Karma's a bitch, if you're.

And i think i believe in this what goes around, comes around philosophy of life.

It's 4am & I just got back from work.

Switched on the computer only to do my daily financial update for events, but ibanking's site's up for maintenance. So apparently i can't fulfill this daily routine of mine - submit updates before I crash to bed. So here I am, blogging.

Lol, there's this regular at bar bar who is always seen doing pretty obscene stuffs considering he has a wife and 2 kids. Of course he does it behind her back, which devil would show his horns?

And today for some reason, he came down to have dinner with his family, and his attitude is a major change, so decent ah suddenly, so polite also. Wow ~.~

Suddenly he had to double confirm whether the plain basmati rice was plain basmati rice (fucking obvious please steam fucking rice who dont know?)

Plus he has been eating it for as long as he has been staying there. Zzzz God.

xxx

Had a conver with a friend, she said while her ex husband was travelling overseas for Army, while packing his bag, she prepared some condoms for him too. She said she was being practical and that she'd rather her ex husband fucked safely, then him bringing back all sorts of diseases to her.

xxx

I think my stress's & anxiety's subconscious. I think I'm okay but my body thinks otherwise.

This can be confirmed with the level of acidity and amount of pimples breaking out.

xxx

Something's wrong, & I'm gonna talk it out.

So tired, gonna crash. Nights! (Errr, good morning?)

Since I don't like dairy milk,

I shall go grab some soy milk

for my

HONEY STARS!

Goosebumps inducer.

I wouldn't go into detail what a wonderful dinner I had today, but I shall share how miraculous & how fate bound our friendship together. My childhood friend, since I was 5. 14 years of zoning in and out, but what matters most is, if she's here in the end with me.

Went to the same tuition center in primary school. You kept asking me which PAP i was from. I kept replying you, Hougang's PAP. I was in Hougang PAP when I was 6. You kept asking me, really meh? Because you feel I look familiar. I kept replying the same answer, Hougang PAP!

Then i went home to ask my mum, she said when I was 5, I was from Paya Lebar's PAP, transferred when i was 6 to Hougang.

So i told you, I was from Paya Lebar PAP, and apparently, we were from the same class, even from the same clique. I even dug up an old picture. But now it's stashed somewhere, I'm sure if i go and dig it, I'd be able to find it! But not now lol, it's 1AM.

So, our friendship was kinda bleh, nothing too interesting. You knew me as the little scrawny girl with the retarded haircut, and I knew you as the tomboy. We met twice every week, for tuition. Bonded by same circumstances, LOL. Sometimes i meet you only once a week because you are always skipping tuition!!!

You quitted tuition for a few years. We had no contact because I didnt have a phone then, & we were too young to hang out properly. My pocket money was 1$ per day, yours was 5$, i could remember being insanely jealous and angry with my mother lol. You could afford to buy alot of tidbits lol, i could only buy a packet of potato chips. 1$ a day how to save and go town together?!

I didn't even know where's Orchard la! Hahaha, I was in my Hougang and the park downstairs world.

And then, you kinda faded away from my memory. Then, you rejoined tuition again when you were in Upper Primary. Lol~~~~ I remember once a year Mrs Neo would have an outing with the class. She would give us 10$ each and bring us to Cineyleisure -____- I remember taking neoprints with you & May. I remember constantly fighting with you over who to sit outside because I was afraid of May. Lol. Kept pushing you inside >.< And you'd keep teasing me about how greedy I am, keep asking tidbits and sweets from Mrs Neo and how I keep pinching Mrs Chua. You still remember her anot ?! Our friendship took off to a higher level then, by playing block catching, you coming to my birthday party, giving me a huge dog plushie which you kept complaining because you wouldnt wanna be seen with such a gay item. LOL! I remember during the party, you couldnt click with one of my friend - Rachel Kam. Lol, both of you were quarreling over water balloons or something. You were the fast athelete, the cool girl, and i was still the nerdy little scrawny girl, who thought the word - er xin was vugular.

Seriously, why were you friends with me? We are so frigging different!

Still, in primary school, you'd call me on my HOUSE phone, and asked me out. Which I'd have to persuade my mother for HOURS, before we could hang out properly together, to somewhere, say, Ciney? U brought me to sakae sushi I think, and i was like, screening through the menu, looking for the cheapest item to buy~ And then, we would take neoprints, go to the arcade, and watch a movie.

And then, you quitted tuition again.

By then, I had friendster, which you had as well. We kinda, kept in contact over there, and when I reached secondary 1, when I had a handphone. We communicated in an easier form.

I remember you bugging me to go to Cedar Girls, because you were there. My parents were very against me going to that particular school though, although I wanted to go there because the uniform looked damn cool. Because I was in Anderson, we always met in Toa Payoh to have lunches, and study. I think what kept our friendship going was the amount of years we have already knew one another. You were so damn bubbly, and active in sports events. I was the half way in between loser, nowhere here, nowhere there. A xiao ah lian in the becoming. I have a neoprint of us, me with my errr, half spiky long hair?! ?!?!?!?!?!

We didnt have anything sustainable to keep our friendship going. Drifted all the way, till I was 15 or 16. O Level period, both of us maturing, we could talk about choices in the future, the path of life we want to take on, life interests, blah blah blah. Went to the same tuition, AGAIN.

Studied together, now, it's more of me approaching you to consult on studies. Because i was playful, and once I didnt grasp the concept and had my foundation, I was struggling. We met quite often to study.

17& 18& 19, U were in AJC, & I was in TP. Went through quite a bit of stuff together. I am glad, I'm here for you when terrible things happened. Even though we arent the type of friends who will meet every week, or every month, but whenever I need someone to talk to, or fall back on, I know you'd always be there :) Because you have always been & I will keep trying to.

It's heartwarming how different and mature you turned out to be because a few years back, I'd never imagine myself talking to you like how i did a few hours before. The views we have on life, the way we handle our situations, how frank you can be with me. All these, is truly a privilege :)

I have my name in your name.

Miss Ling Yu ;)

I'm really ruining relationships with people by the way I treat them, and by the words I use, and by the tone of voice, by the arrogant and ignorant attitude I have. I'm really.... sigh.

Jacq, time to reflect, time for some change.

People wouldnt take your bullshit forever, you know that?

I was talking to my dad about a certain issue, brought up a business idea to him which I thought has demand. And he advised me against it because it is not right, even though it is not illegal as well.

And then i placed this upon my own context, and i realize, how impossible this is going to work for me.