"Jacqueline Koh
Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting around for somebody to give you flowers"
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Questions that will show you who you are (and what you are meant to do)
Thursday, January 29, 2015 || 9:19 AM

Came across this survey which apparently will lead you to an understanding of who you truly are. Obviously I don't buy whatever the subject sells (but enough to click it), but reckon it wouldn't hurt to answer these questions. I have had fleeting encounters with some of these questions, but never dwelled on them long enough to produce an answer. I trust this abandoned space enough to write my truest thoughts. So... here goes...

What, and who is worth suffering for?

This question largely depends on a pay-off which constitutes these two factors: How-deeply-i-love VS how-much-i-have-to-suffer. There are only two people in the world whom I love selflessly, and will do almost anything for them even if it doesn't make sense. This includes death. My parents who have slogged selflessly to provide and cater to every of my whims and needs. I am also willing to suffer (to a certain extent) for my siblings, but depending on the situation, it is still very probable that I might withdraw from suffering for them.

For romantic pursuits, I am willing to suffer emotionally but only IF it will eventually bear fruit, and if the man is not taking your suffering for granted -- he understands what is going on and actually makes a conscious effort to make things better. If it becomes too one-sided, i will let things go and logical thinking will take over untrusty emotional impulses and fantasies.

For passion, career and/or movements which I hold a deep belief in - again, trade-off. If it makes sense, and will eventually bear fruit, I will trod ahead and suffer. I believe in hard work and persistence, but it must bring back returns such as status, monetary prospects and recognition.

Sensibly speaking - bottom line - if it will bring back returns in the long-run, I am willing to suffer.

What would you stand for if you knew that nobody would judge you?

This question is not valid to me - I will stand for causes I truly believe in even if people will judge me. Other people's perceptions do not matter. Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter 

What would you do if you knew that nobody would judge you?

Again, read above.

Based on your daily routines, where will you be in five years? Ten? 20?

If my answer is a prophecy which will come true, I will gladly write it down. I'm not a fortune-teller. I don't know. Many things change during the course of time. I might get sick, I might be involved in an accident, I might die. I might not have another year to look forward to. But positively, what I know is that I am working towards my career aspiration of working in Shanghai for P&G (I want to be involved in creating meaningful and inspiring adverts and campaigns). So hopefully, in 5 years time, I will graduate and be in P&G. In ten years time, depending on my career progression, I hope to move back to Singapore and start a family. I don't know about 20 years from now -- that's too long.

Who do you admire most, and why?

There is no one person which I admire most, but i can tell you about the traits which make me tick. I admire people who are highly intelligent, but are yet sociable enough to understand how to have fun. I also admire people who are selfless in love, who have the courage to speak their minds without holding back.

What do you not want anybody else to know about you?

Actually, I very much prefer being alone, rather than being around with people. I seek reprieve in solitude and many times, when I'm out with friends, I just want to go home, or plug my earphones in my ears. I find mindless chatter about people stupid -- there are much better things to talk about.

What are a few things you thought you would never get over while you were going through them? Why did they seem so insurmountable? How did you?

When things ended between me and my ex-lover, I blamed myself for not getting myself out of it sooner, for allowing him to hurt me longer than he should have, for letting my feelings take over my head (i actually forgot i had a brain in my head), for not establishing very basic but essential rules and for not asking him to give me what i needed. It seemed insurmountable because at that point of time, I have already visualized him to be in my future. Even when I was healing, I allowed him to talk to me in ways he shouldn't have, to stunt the healing. I also kept blaming myself for not doing enough which must have led to the eventual separation. Even though it was official that it was over, i held on to glimmer of hopes that perhaps, one day, I will be able to forgive him and that we will still end up together. Eventually, after the separation, I dated someone else for a very brief period of time. However, it was during that period of time which I was showed how I should be treated. I also realized it was important to my own growth and well-being for me to forgive him, and myself, and it was also the realization that forgiving and the first true step to letting go means forsaking the thought that things will be the same. I had to let go of hopes of us reconciling. When it's over, it's over. No more harbouring 'What ifs'. Time diluted the pain, and made me a stronger person. I am now someone who has more self-respect, and has higher standards. But i do not regret whatever that has happened, because it morphed me into the person I am today, and i am very thankful for that.

What are your greatest accomplishments so far?

My greatest accomplishment was that no matter who I worked for, my bosses always trusted me, and showed reluctance when i resigned. It shows that I was contributing to the company, and that my efforts made a difference.

What would be too good to believe, if someone were to sit down and tell you what’s coming next in your life?

That I would be hired by P&G in Shanghai, and that I am able to fly back to Singapore every month to visit my healthy parents, and maintain relationships with people I care about.

Who from your past are you still trying to earn the acceptance of?

Nobody came to mind.

If you didn’t have to work anymore, what would you do with your days?

Travel, and volunteer. Join the Peace Corps.

What are the five most common things in your daily routine (aside from the basics, such as eating and sleeping?)
In HK: Alone-music time, reading of blogs (fave - johnkim, tigersophia, mmerciencore,thoughtcatalog,elitedaily), take pics/ instagramming,  watching movies and obsessing over my bad skin

In SG: Alone-music time, reading books, take pics/instagramming, running and reading of blogs

What do you wish those five most common things were instead?

Alone-music time, reading books, reading newspapers, running and revising